In the world of e-commerce and online shopping, delivery guys are our new heroes. To some degree, they have proven themselves useful in delivering orders for us, from the most mundane to the more essential, they typically have us covered. We have also heard of stories where delivery packages are lost or are not given the care that is supposed to be given to them. At one point, there was a viral video that showed a few employees of a logistics company casually throwing packages around. Imagine if that contained the latest gadget you ordered. So while we’re excited at the prospect of our items being on their way to us, there are some potential problems. What if the delivery guy does not wait for you while you are running down the stairs? Or your doorbell is busted, and the delivery person can’t notify you of their arrival? One solution, of course, is to leave prominent notes, whether at your doorstep or by the gate, for the delivery person to see so that you can still get your hands on the package you’ve been waiting on for the whole week.
Knock with Thunder
Well, since delivery guys are heroes, why not raise them to become the god of thunder? We could only imagine how excited this person was to get his package. The instructions were quite explicit. There’s even a note saying that even if they rain the door with thunder, the neighbors won’t mind, and no dog is around to be a problem. If I were the delivery guy reading this, I will probably laugh and then start banging on the door like crazy. And, hopefully, they answer right away after all the investments I put in towards pounding their door. The only problem we can see here is if the UPS guy damages their door. He might need to pay for the repairs or replacement, which might be more costly than the package itself.
A lot of us have seen that Lucifer episode where Charlie can’t sleep despite all that had been done to make him sleep. And of course, with babies, all the effort expended to make them sleep can be negated by the slightest noise. Imagine a delivery guy knocking like crazy on your door for a delivery. That would spell disaster — and, of course, it could wake the baby and make him or her cry. Credit usually goes to the mother for doing her best to pacify the baby. But in this case, we also need to compliment the father for making a short note to the delivery guy so that he can bring about three outcomes: a happy father, a grateful mother, and a baby that is still soundly asleep. This will be a win-win situation for everyone.
A Bottle of Rocks
What do you do if you’re urgently waiting for a package but your doorbell is broken? How will the delivery guy catch your attention so that he could get your signature? The answer is that you need a little creativity. A bottle of rocks and a little shaking should do the trick. The only problem with this is that this contraption might not generate as much noise. A whistle would probably be better. Of course, putting investments in a working doorbell is the best option. But when it comes to being creative, we laud the person who did this. There are better alternatives, however, that we can think of. One is that the delivery guy can knock loudly. He can also shout if needed. But the receiver might have already considered all of these and a bottle of rocks was the most viable option.
There are times when we really cannot be at home to receive a package. Maybe we’re out, working or running an urgent errand. So what we typically resort to is talk to our neighbor, who in this case is Grandma, and ask her to receive the package for us. A note is then left for the parcel delivery guy to drop off the package next door and be done with the transaction. This note appears to be a normal delivery guy note. But what appeals to us here is the number of goodies. There is a Toblerone, a dollar, and an admission card for a lap dance! Quite surprising is the battery. Perhaps it’s to assure that the delivery person doesn’t experience electricity or outage problems.
Package Successfully Delivered
This one is not exactly from a person leaving a note to a delivery guy, but rather from the delivery person himself. This is one of those standard message sheets left by the company Yodel in cases of a missed delivery. It starts off with an apology, which is appropriate given that they were not able to see each other. And then finishes off with a bombshell! The package was left on the roofing of the house, as per the sender’s request. This is indeed crazy as the house is a two-story structure. How did the delivery guy reach the roof of the house? Did he have a ladder? What if the delivery guy skidded down? Who will be responsible for his injuries? Would it be the sender or the receiver? Let’s just say we have questions!
When we are excited about a certain package and the package was delivered more than once only for us to be nowhere in sight, our excitement builds up. We will be more excited if what we’re expecting to be delivered is the latest gadget that we’ve been looking forward to getting. Or perhaps a company had asked you to review a product, and they’ve set a deadline, only for the deadline to be nearing without you receiving the gadget yet. All of these can be so frustrating, leaving you unable to concentrate on computing your home financing loans or other work. In order for the FedEx guy to see how serious you are in getting the package, however, you can leave a message like this that will surely convey your frustrations to them. If they do not respond right away, expect things to be very noisy.
I Said, Knock!
We do not know what has happened here. The instructions were clear. The UPS man should knock loudly so that Mr. and Mrs. Currier, with names sounding like “courier,” will be able to hear the man. Did he knock? If he did, did he do so loudly? Maybe. Perhaps the couple did not hear. Maybe they fell asleep or made a run to the bank to check on their mortgage. There are a lot of possibilities, but the UPS man left a missed delivery note. The situation might have made the couple angry as they were expecting the delivery. But perhaps next time they should sit closer to the door so that they will hear the man arrive. One other possibility is that the delivery man ignored the note and left a missed delivery note.
No to Public Appearances
Maybe the man is hiding because he did some terrible things the night before. He went to a party, probably at the neighbors’, seeing that he was avoiding being seen at the door. Maybe he partied a little too hard and became an embarrassment. Or perhaps he is Jim Carrey and does not want to be seen at the door looking disheveled. We can only speculate as to what happened. But the instructions given to the delivery man were specific, and a lawyer would’ve even approved of the wording. There was an explanation as to why he couldn’t come to the door. He also asked a favor from the delivery guy to be discreet, and he properly compensated the guy, so everything looked good.
Dog Versus Package
This is one of those notes that really are on point. We love our dogs, and we adore them. But they like to eat and chew on whatever we hold dear. Slippers, remote controls, leather shoes, and, in this case, even a paper note did not escape the chewing mouth of a canine friend. What the poster could have done is to put the note somewhere out of the dog’s reach — near the roofing maybe? But in that case, the UPS guy might not see it and then put the package on the porch and not inside a box—a disaster if that happens. Also, we know that meme about dogs going for mail carriers, or in this instance, a UPS delivery man. Let us hope that both the delivery guy and the package are safe.
Return to Sender
In this time of being stuck at home due to the coronavirus, wives are often accused of spending too much time with their credit cards, processing payments online for Amazon or other e-commerce platforms. The “add to cart” button really looks tempting, especially since that egg-slicing kitchen device looks appealing and useful in the kitchen. We know that it will probably never be used, but this replacement to retail therapy is the new normal now. This is most likely the reason why the husband here had to write detailed instructions for the UPS man. It is funny, though, that if the delivery was for power tools or electronics, he would have been okay with it. The husband appears to be engaged in an online shopping spree himself.
Forge my Signature
Well, this is definitely illegal and should not serve as an example to anyone else out there. Forging signatures on credit cards or UPS delivery receipts is punishable under Federal law. What this tells us is that perhaps the receiver was too excited for the arrival of the package, so he took the time to type up a message for the UPS guy or girl to leave the package at the door no matter what. Perhaps this is the latest game controller or the latest iPhone? The tip, (bribe), was also more than the usual being given to UPS delivery people. What did the UPS guy do? It would be good if the parcel did not require a signature, at least no one would be in legal trouble.
Waiting for a package is boring unless you do something to pass the time. So there you are on a weekday, taking the day off from work while the wife is away, waiting desperately for a package. But the weekend is taunting you. While looking at the front lawn, you see a beer mirage. Of course, you gave in and went for a beer run. You stepped on the gas and then remembered that you forgot to leave a note. And so, you hurriedly-written one and attached a Butterfinger to it. It is quite long, but it communicates to the delivery guy the consequences involved if you do not receive the parcel you’re expecting. If we were the delivery person here, we would love to comply. He gave us a Butterfinger, after all.
Recovering from a Hangover
You had the best night of your life because you recently got promoted. You spent the entire night partying and drinking anything you could out of the bar. When you got home, you almost had to kiss the flooring of your house because you were so drunk. And then you remembered a package was due to arrive the following morning. Before you pass out, you manage to scribble down this note for the UPS guy. Because you feel guilty due to all the alcohol in your system, the best metaphor you came up with is that of being served a warrant. We think that the note is funny, and it also captures the desperation this person had for his parcel from UPS. We hope that he wakes up from all that knocking to enjoy whatever was delivered.
As we said, delivery guys are among our frontline heroes during the pandemic. Their job is also not easy since they have to deal with the possibility of being drenched by the rain, bitten by a dog, or some other issues while on the road. These two notes give credit and tribute to delivery heroes and even draws Spiderman and Iron Man to emphasize the point. The instructions given were also very explicit and easy to follow. They are funny because the notes are childlike and very appreciative. There might be no monetary tips here, but sometimes, being recognized for your effort in delivering parcels, despite it being your job, can be a huge morale boost. So, we commend the neighbors who wrote and drew these notes.
Hello, Broken Legs
Here we have the typical Aussie, passive-aggressive behavior. It appears that the homeowner has dealt with a lot of parcels thrown over the fence only for his dog to eat them. The delivery man is probably afraid of dogs. If you know animals in Australia, they come in all sizes, but mostly they’re extra-large. So we understand the mailman here. But this must have been a bit intimidating for the delivery person because there was a threat in the note. But if he can break the legs of the mailman, it means he is at home and can receive the mail without any problems. The dog need not be involved, nor attorneys for that matter. Maybe the mailman can also insert the mail between the slats.
Bell Does not Work
What is a doorbell if it does not work? Well, it amounts to nothing. You may have the latest home security installed or a top of the line CCTV package, but if the doorbell does not work, your package will still not reach you. The alternative is for the delivery guy to pick your lock—that should trigger the alarm and wake you up from your deep slumber, alerting you to the delivery. That is not an option, of course, as that will be too much trouble for your delivery guy and yourself. So the alternative is to instruct him to shout “Ding, dong!” at the top of his lungs. It would be hard to replicate the sound of a real doorbell with a shout.
Strike the Iron Gates
In some instances, the delivery guys fail to knock hard enough for the house occupants to hear them. So the owner of this house wrote a gender-sensitive instruction on how the delivery guy could use his hands mightily to strike the doors with all his strength. Failing to wake the receiver from his sleep, he could also proceed to the property office and hand over the package. There was also a slight warning here and the delivery guy was lectured on the importance of delivering the package immediately. Otherwise, the homeowners will not enjoy the camping trip they planned over the weekend. We should also give credit to the language used as it sounded like Tolkien’s. The note writer was most likely a fan of Tolkien’s work, as evidenced by the note.
Too Many Robbers
This definitely has a backstory. Perhaps on one too many occasions, a neighbor, a thief, or a passerby was able to snatch a package away. We have seen videos of parcels being fitted with hidden cameras for the purpose of identifying the culprits. In one of the videos, when the thief attempted to open the box, a shower of glitter spewed out of the box—a definitive indication of their guilt once they were caught. In this case, the person probably does not have the time or money to make such investments in cameras and glitters, so he wrote a lengthy letter to the delivery person instead. We also like that he taped a dollar to the letter to prove his point. He also used gender-neutral language and called the delivery guy a delivery person, which is cool.
There is nobody more cranky than a pregnant woman. Yes, all those hormones that are the consequence of the growing baby inside can bring a host of emotions to the surface. Among these emotions are anger and crankiness. Anything can trigger a pregnant lady’s hormones—from the slightest noise to the loud banging during roof repair. Luckily, the USPS man is always exempted. He can deliver the package in peace. We just wonder what the neighbors will feel if they make the slightest noise, and the woman rains verbal assault upon them of one kind or another. The husband does not look like he is free of the potential wrath of the woman either. They had been warned, though, so it is better to be careful than sorry.
She Does not Live Here
It is annoying to be disturbed when you’re trying to relax, especially when the disturbance comes in the form of a parcel being delivered to you through some mistake. We can accept a break in our routine if the package is ours, but what if it is for someone else? Someone who just used to live on the premises. We can only guess that lawyers were heavily involved, and it could have been a messy divorce. That is why the parents of the man had to leave this rather strongly-worded message to the USPS deliveryman to stop sending the divorcees mail to their house. The receiver, on the other hand, might be wondering where her mail had gone. She should have updated her records at the post office, though.
Call of Nature
Here you are waiting patiently for the package. You are excited to receive the latest phone or whatever it is you ordered. But then you start feeling something going on down there. It feels like a number two, so you go to the bathroom, but before you do, you scribble this note for the FedEx guy. Of course, this situation can be given credit as one of those TMI moments. The message could have ended with “I’m busy.” But then again, the FedEx guy might be more patient if he knows you are pooping, so fine. We won’t expect any handshakes from the delivery guy, though. Well, physical contact of any form is discouraged now that we are in the midst of a pandemic anyway.